There was a moment in the hours of breathing deep to relieve myself from the pain of my contractions that I looked around and I saw my tribe.

My mother, my mother’s mother, my baby sister, my mother in law & her mother, my husband and my doula.

They were all wrapped around me in support.

Honestly, I wasn’t planning on that many people being around during such a raw and vulnerable experience but that’s just how it happened and I never once felt insecure about it. I felt stronger.

All my women (besides Mammy) were my strength.

I’ll never forget that feeling.

I checked in at 5 cm and eight hours later I was STILL AT 5 CM…… that ain’t right….at all.

The doctor of course was soon to push induction on me but I asked if they would break my water first to see if that would get things going for me and baby.

When the nurse left the room I truly looked up and just said in my head “God Please”.

That’s it.

He knew what I wanted.

I didn’t want them messing with us.

I wanted to trust my body and that it would handle everything on its own time when it was suppose to and I KID YOU NOT before the nurse came back in.. MY WATER FREAKING BROKE.

I was in shock not only from my answered prayer but the pain that instantly followed.

I got to 8 and a half cm and I was so determined to make my birth completely natural.

I had this idea that if I didn’t do it that way then I was a failure……

I was so tired.

My water broke at 6cm and IT WAS NOT OK Y’ALL.

the contractions after your water breaks is seriously no joke.

It’s not even the pain it’s the exhaustion I say.

The breathing through it and trying to keep your jaw and hands and feet relaxed while experiencing this contraction that is truly excruciating.

I labored at home 2 days before even going to the hospital that day and I was so tired and so upset and just held my husband in my arms and told him I wanted to get the epidural.

I was so uncomfortable and felt like I was honestly going to burst.

I was feeling myself slowly slip away from this positive experience to a negative one.

I felt embarrassed and like I was giving up.

Every woman in that room came around me and made me feel so loved and strong.

My husband held me and told me I was strong enough to keep going but If I wanted it then I should get it.

All I have to say about my birth and how I felt at the end when they lifted her from my body to my chest is this quote

“A positive birth doesn’t have to be ‘natural’

It has to be informed, respected, and FREE FROM FEAR”

I prepared myself well and I had a loving support system around me.

I had such a positive pregnancy and birth and I am SO honored and blessed and never take any of it for granted because I know so deeply the feeling of wondering if you will ever get the chance to be a mother… it doesn’t come so easily for some. There isn’t always a happy ending for everyone.

Clarabella Jean was born Saturday, January 25, 2020 at 12:13am and when I saw her face let me tell you “Failure” was the last word I ever thought of it.

I am SO STRONG and I am her MOTHER.

What an honor it was to have a body that made this beautiful baby that will grow into a girl and someday a beautiful Woman.

She is everything we prayed for, cried for, longed for, wished for.

She was worth the pain because the pain brought me my daughter.

Check Out Tallahassee Birth & Beyond Services on Facebook for an amazing Doula! Amanda Houston

Check Out her beautiful Room!

A Hippies Paradise~

Photos by Laurie Sapp Photography