The 3 J's

I’ve wanted to start a blog for a long time.

I don’t even care if anyone reads it just feels good to let it out.

I know my grammar won’t be perfect because I’m too lazy to care about that either so Mrs.Towey (my sophomore english teacher turned family member) I hope you forgive me….

Life is nothing I was planning. I mean is it ever? I truly don’t even know what I was planning but if you told me 5 years ago I would be wearing boots everyday, feeding chickens, watching animals give birth, and raising a child I would run out of the room.

I’ve got this crazy perfect husband, 10 acres of land filled with chickens, ducks, quails, guinea fowl, turkens, 5 dogs, 7 cats and every now and then a snake or mouse….

Sappy & I are madly in Love and always have been. It’s a love that is passionate and hard and has been through a lot but it doesn’t come around often. It’s very unknown to many, its special and should never be taken for granted.

We are high school sweethearts..

He was this dirty boy (like legit would see how long he could go without a bath dirty & even protested wearing shoes for a week) with a jeti stand and hands down wanted to stick it to the man! LOL ever seen school of rock? He had the same 6 best friends since childhood, the St00p boys they called themselves and was a real life NO NEW FRIENDS kinda dude. I was this tan, light eyed lost & lonely bella with so many best friends I couldn’t even keep count but a family that was falling apart. I loved all music and things theatre while he was into his music and his music only (aka they like to scream and scream loud) and his way of thinking only and for some reason I liked that. I remember I was sitting with my bff Adelina Mitchell who always knew the whos who of people in high school and he walked by us.

THOSE EYES!!

SO sweet and locked me tight the minute mine met his. I begged Adelina to tell me everything she knew about him! He was much younger than me but I didn’t care I just had this feeling and that feeling brought me the greatest love of my life. He was working sound for a musical I was a Lead in so I got his number and made up some lie to text him that I needed to know something about rehearsal, just to get us talking. He asked me to lunch and told me he couldn’t text anymore with his strict 200 text monthly limit hahahah still kills me …. the rest is history….

Here we are now, nothing we once were but still young and in our 20s yet feeling older everyday. He is the most wonderful thing on this earth to fall asleep and wake up to everyday… also he is the largest pain in my big cuban El culo!!!!! But all very worth it here and there for the love he has for me…for our family. I never knew a mans love could be so strong for me…so pure.. so loyal. He is all those things and more and after years of being together and then meeting his father which then became my father and seeing his heart and how he is with his younger kids I saw where it came from. Papa Todd is what we call him and I owe him all the gratitude for making me such a kind husband….could use a little less of the “wheres my keys” and “I don’t have any clean underwear” but maybe you can do better with the next two!!

So we were still in honeymoon phase! I’m still pretty tan and Sappy is way less dirty with no jeti strand. I know what happen but it all happen so fast and just like that we woke up and we were parents….

My 1st cousin (son of my mother’s brother) was taken into dcf care and needed a place to go and before I even got home to discuss it with Sappy he told my family WE WILL TAKE HIM!!! that’s the kind of man he is……

I quit my job and put school on hold and drove 12 hours to my baby cousin who I have never met…

The drive was peaceful though believe it or not…

I felt God whispering to my heart the whole drive telling me that this is what he had been preparing me for….my difficult childhood, my let downs, my failures, my everything ever lived was for this point. All perfectly wrapped up together to bring me to this moment.

Jack Elliott came around the corner…. 3 years old, so chubby, long blonde beautiful hair like a surfer boy reaching for his caregiver calling her “mommy”

I was instantly torn….

I noticed he was still in diapers and he literally could not speak any other word besides mommy. They told me he was “a little” behind but it was far worse than I imagined.

The caregiver directed his attention to me and said look your cousin is here and he came to me with open arms. I swear, when I am old and gray and my life is almost gone with my last breath making its way out of my body that memory will be with me. He was the most beautiful boy I had ever laid my eyes on…. from the moment he was in my arms I made a promise to myself, Jack, and God that I would fight everyday of my life to give him what he deserved… and I haven’t broken that promise yet.

I could go ON AND ON and tell you all the drama with my family and the dcf workers and the system and how much we hate it and wanna change it and change the world and how can parents do that to their children blah blah blah but I finally just gave it all to Jesus cause he will work it out better than I ever could.

My shell was cracked open the day I met Jack Elliott. He was a light but it was so dim and within 1 hour of him being with us and not being able to communicate with words he was biting, crying, and screaming. To say the least it was out of control and I quickly asked God what he got me into.

I wasn’t a mother….

I wasn’t ready.

I didn’t have 9 months to freak out and prepare and read up on what to do. I was instantly hit with all my insecurities and I wanted to give him back. I know that sounds harsh or mean but I didn’t feel worthy for the job, at all. I thought he deserved much better than me.

I brought him home 1 day before Christmas and we were so thankful because he spent his 3rd birthday and Thanksgiving in foster care. He was moved twice before coming to us and all they would tell us is that it wasn’t working out and within a few hours of meeting him I saw just why it didn’t work out.

He was so angry! This precious angel was so mad and so confused and would walk down our hallway opening the doors and peeking his head through calling “mommy”. I mean talk about actual HEARTBREAK.

The fact is he needed someone to be selfless and present. He just needed someone to not give up on him and work with him 24/7 to get him where he needed to be as a 3 year old. So in the first 24 hours that’s what I decided. I decided I cared more about his future then a few years of my own wants and needs. He was my mission. He was going to pee in a toilet and be able to talk to me!

The whole way home he was sooooooo sick. He had a fever, throwing up, diarrhea, a fungal infection from wearing wet diapers so bad the day after Christmas I rushed him to the ER because it was spreading to his thighs and knees. He was so uncomfortable and I’m sure wondering who I even was. I held him and just cried. It was like this for 2 whole weeks. I could feel his pain. I sang to him and prayed over him and looked him in the eyes and said “It’s ok Jack, Juju will never leave you please you have to trust me bubbi” ughhhh even writing this makes me sob. I wanted to give up so many times and I share this because if there’s someone out there that needs to hear it and ever reads this I hope you see you’re not alone. Nothing amazing comes easy and I learned the true meaning of that with Jack. We all have those thoughts of giving up, its human but the most important thing is that you never do.

Over time Jack Elliott found his trust for me and I found my confidence again. We slowly but surely completely fell in love with each other and no better duo can be named I like to say.

Looking back I can’t even believe that’s where we came from. He is the most outgoing, confident, outspoken, loving, understanding, and kind baby boy now. Don’t get me wrong he was always those things he just needed some reminding:) It’s been TWO WHOLE YEARS since this journey knocked on our door and it has been nothing short of a ROLLER COASTER RIDE.

The final judgement day came when Jack’s parents would lose their rights to him or they could give them up themselves and to make a long drama filled day short, everything worked out just how God planned. The 30 day appeal went by like the longest month of our lives and we applied to adopt him.

So, any day now someone will come and check our home and tell us if we are clear for adoption and we will pick a date to return to key west and Jack will forever be a Sapp.

Let me tell you guys something, when that happens I will sleep like a freaking baby and I will be thanking NO ONE BUT GOD. I mean woah… he never left our side.. I truly thought it was my battle to overcome but I see now it’s for a much bigger picture. God lead Jack to us each and every step. I gave up everything and I would do it a million times over and over again. When that little boy looks at me and tells me HE LOVES ME!! calls ME mommy and wants to hold MY hand? Ha! No Job, school, social life, or dream compares. How blessed am I to be so loved by him. The wasted time I spent not seeing my worth I found it all in my sons eyes!

I stayed the course, I trusted the lord, I called our caseworker and many other workers daily and I know just as much as I will be happy to be rid of them( I mean this in the nicest way possible) honey they will be happy to be rid of me!!! I did not let a crumb get by without my knowing and I didnt let a drop get passed me if it wasn’t in the 100 percent best interest of JACK. When I called they already knew, “Good Morning Miss White🙄” HAHAHA I love it. and yeah I haven’t changed my name yet to my married one so I should probably get on that….oops.

Now a days its happiness and rainbows to be honest. we love our life…. thats all ive ever wanted out of my time here is to love myself and my life. I’m sure something is a brewing and gonna make its way for destruction soon but it doesn’t really matter cause we have each other and nothing will ever take the love that has formed between us. The 3 J’s. We were always meant to be.

Josh, Juju, & Jack <3

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