Mrs. Sapp

November is right around the corner and that is always my favorite month to live. Sappy and I are going to be celebrating our 3 year anniversary and it seems like it’s been 30.

The 1st year wasn’t easy like most married couples will tell you but it wasn’t the hardest I would say. The second was casual and carefree. Lots of time alone and fixing up the house. We both share our back room where we sleep but we had our own rooms each as well for personal use.

I had my beautiful pink room with my makeup vanity, a roomy closet, jewelry that filled the walls, all my tools and beads for making jewelry, trinkets, my record player with all my records and shoes that wrapped around the house for days. Sappy had his teal room with all his guitars, amps, hunting equipment, band posters, deer heads and fox and squirrel skins all over the walls. We were just all set, spoiled you might say, very comfortable, so in love, and got into our routines. Making dinner together every night with a glass of red wine. Fresh venison with vegetables and a bowl of chunky chocolate ice cream to settle our bellies.

Little did we know that any day now we would be swept up by our pinky toes out of nowhere with a son who took Sappys teal room and a daughter who took my pink room while we were stuffed away in the back room sharing the smallest closet known to man and a routine was the funniest word we had ever heard.

Sometimes I forget to kiss him ALL DAY until the very end of the night when we are going to bed and we both just lay there…….exhausted.

My husband is the hardest working man I have ever met. He goes to work, his self made construction business, at 7am every morning. Which he started over 6 years ago and built into a huge success all by himself when he was not even 21 years old yet. I remember him first starting out and going around town putting business cards in people’s mailboxes just to find one job to support us and now he is turning people down because he is booked for the year. He comes home around 6 everyday and then works on the farm til dark. and I MEAN TIL DARK. The man will not come inside one minute earlier. He is never not doing something for his home or family. He definitely gets that from his mother. They are the exact same person which he doesn’t see but I do. His mother can make kitchen cabinets while feeding a baby, dinner is cooking, taking pictures for Walt Disney world, making something on the crituit and watching the news! She is insanely patient and doesn’t ever have much to say just like Sappy. A man of few, FEW words. My friends would ask me when we first started dating why he always was in the corner looking so miserable when we were together! hah! I tried to explain that’s just his face! ha! He is actually a huge teddy bear, but I think it’s only really with me and I’m ok with that.

No one really sees his true heart that much. We laugh and cut up and do things that I bet most couples wouldn’t even feel comfortable doing in front of each other. we are the best of friends. We are a team when it comes to parenting and we genuinely have the deepest love for each other.

There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful. He worships the ground I walk on and the body that holds my soul. I have always been a pretty confident girl growing up. I have my flaws and insecurities like everyone but I’ve been blessed with having a love for myself and knowing my worth regardless of my childhood that could have lead me down a path of giving up and giving into who I wasn’t and that’s really all due to Jesus I believe.

BUT my point is that there is something about a man, your husband, loving your body that REALLY as a woman gives you confidence as well. Not a vain confidence but a confidence that allows you to walk with your head a little higher daily because you are so valued and so loved and the little things that the world likes to shine on like pimples, stretch marks, or the fat under your arms…well, they just don’t matter.

I mean lets be real everything ain’t like it used to be child….

we are not 18 and 21 anymore baby…

we are peaking 30 and nothing sits very upright or tight like it used to so when your husband enters the room by surprise you might wanna kinda hide or not really have that all hanging out but when he treasures you, ALL of you….you don’t feel that shame. Like Adam and Eve before they ate the apple.

I feel like being a woman and going through those body changes can be some of the hardest times for us..especially now being 7 months pregnant I feel like a science experiment to my almost newborn. She is taking all my energy, space, patience, and oh yeah….. patience. Im lucky if I am able to shave really any part of my body besides my arm pits much longer. slip on shoes are my new thing cause ain’t nobody got time for laces. I cry everyday at this point. Could be cause dinner burnt or the cats look so cute snuggling. It’s a hot MESS. But everyday here comes my Sappy walking in from a hard days work to rub my belly and tell me how gorgeous I look and how can he help me relax tonight. He adapts as a husband to all stages of our marriage.

As teenagers I never in a million years thought I would be married to this man, now having his child!! I have never loved him more. There is something about having his baby girl grow inside me that makes my love for him grow even more which I didn’t even know was possible.

The fact that Love can grow is just so fascinating to me. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t enough love before it grew it just means that’s how powerful it truly is, how healing it is, it is a process, you grow and you learn. Love is undoubtedly all that Jesus is and stands for.

Being a wife, his wife, is my greatest joy. You don’t really hear that much either I feel like. I see so many things about being a mother and advice on being a mother, a new expecting mother, how you feel when the kids go to kindergarten, when they leave for college but what about your first title? Wife.

The kids leave.

Your husband is what you will be left with.

Grow old with.

Sappy has been gone for over a week hunting out of town to provide for our family and I am so appreciative of that and it hasn’t ever bothered me much but this time as been the hardest yet. When he comes home everyday even though he is so exhausted I am given some time to myself. I can lay in the bed and relax and flip through my phone or make some jewelry for an hour or 2 with no one interrupting me. I can fill up the bath and just relax before I make dinner and It is time that is so needed for my sanity. He hasn’t been here this week and I am about to go LEGIT BAT SHIT CRAZY. I’ve called him almost every night crying just begging him to come home because I feel so overwhelmed and like such a failure as a mother. I’m sure being so pregnant is mainly my emotional problem this time around but when he is gone so long it shows me just how much our family is missing its favorite piece of the puzzle, the final piece. The piece that holds us all together and makes us whole. A single mother/father is by far the greatest hero of our time in my opinion.

Being Mrs. Sapp, the wife isn’t all I am. Like Beyonce says '‘dont think Im just his little wife”.

But it is something I am so proud to be and it is because of my husbands love for me.

That is how we should all feel as girlfriends, fiances, or wives.

VALUED.

we are so important.

WHO RUN THE WORLD, girls.

But seriously, sappy isn’t some perfect human he is sweaty, messy, stubborn, and annoying like all men hahahahaah!! Like why are your dirty drawers laying on the floor RIGHT NEXT TO THE CLOTHES HAMPER. BRO…….BRO………… if it happens one more time I’m gonna be on the news for murder.

But the key to really making it work with your person to me is friendship, communication, and transparency. I am only 3 years in marriage but we have been together 10 and I am no expert but I do know we will never get a divorce and I know we both wake up everyday selflessly willing to serve one another and make each other laugh and smile. So far the last 3 years have been a roller coaster and its a ride I never wanna get off of. None of the wonderful things I’m saying about Sappy or our marriage are for bragging but simply gratitude. I am so blessed by his friendship and commitment and he is by mine. We are not perfect and go through so much as a couple but we make it through all the good and bad times. Marriage when you’re this young isn’t easy. You’re not even who you are meant to be yet, you’re still evolving as a freaking human being so if you are in a marriage and you are not careful you will evolve in completely different directions and that is heartbreaking. Take time for each other, for yourself. Don’t let the daily everyday life drown you in feeling those special moments that will flash before your eyes when you are taking your last breath. <3

This is what I told Joshua on our wedding day November 6th:

Joshua,

I love you because you see me

You see every inch of who I am

Even with my flaws you see them and you look straight past them and love me even harder

With you I'm safe 

Not the safe that you think either 

 It’s the kind of safe that allows me to blossom because I except your love & it lifts me up. 

Makes me smile 

Makes me race home to you every evening so we can make dinner together and talk and laugh and kiss and snuggle and be 100 percent ourselves

You're my biggest fan & give me the freedom to live my dream at soul sistahs and take care of our family everyday and I thank you for that. 

You love animals just like me and let me bring them home when they need love and you become just as obsessed with them as I am.  

You're a great friend 

Son

Boyfriend

Fiancé 

& I know life with you as my husband will be even better 

I can tell you I hate you 

I can hurt you 

and you forgive me 

You buy me chocolates when I'm moody

Rub my back.

Surprise me

Make holidays so special for me and everyday is an adventure with you 

The secret is simply you are my best friend

I remember the moment I saw you

Beard 

Flannel

Beanie

Jeti stran

Skinny black jeans and vans

Your eyes

Your smile

I promise i knew love perfectly in that moment 

I just want you to know 

We are gonna get old 

So old!!!

I'll get old and maybe I'll forget moments and be saggy and you will have no hair but one thing I'll never forget is the moment I saw you. My sappy. My silly perfect man. ThAt day my soul met yours and nothing and no one will ever be able to replace you. 

one day we are will be apart. 

But what is true is that you're mine

You were made for me

I was made for you

We are so lucky to find a love so pure and crazy and so wonderful 

I just can't explain in words my love for you I just know you feel it 

Thank you for loving me 

I promise to never take you for granted & always return the love back to you because you're far from perfect but you're a good man and making you happy makes me happy!

I love you forever my sun and stars